Mattingly, P.I.

Legendary New York Yankee and current Los Angeles Dodgers bench coach Don Mattingly is being considered for the lead in the upcoming Magnum, PI movie. We shit you not.

Well, we had Matthew McConaughey lined up initially, but Magnum, P.I. traditionalists raised a real stink about the mustache issue. It turns out Matthew can’t actually grow one,” producer Shel Burnstein told the dubiously-monikered Serious Sports Network, earlier this month. “The similarities between [Actor Tom] Selleck and Donnie are almost eerie. Their mustaches, I mean – they don’t actually look that much alike otherwise, but the near-identical ’stache is a big hit around Hollywood.”

Furthermore, SSN states that “McConaughey in the starring role drew scores of protests from mustache lovers everywhere. The American Mustache Institute was especially vocal.”

We shit you not.

Production for the movie would begin after the current baseball season, since, according to Bernstein “a mustache like that is worth the wait, especially if we can get [Dodgers manager Joe] Torre to play Higgins.”

The Onion
just got served.