7/29/2002

5
Written, Directed and Produced by Kiko Jones
A Ballsy Production

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OK, the gloves are off. Time to rant and pour out some of the toxic contents of our simmering cauldron of revulsion and extreme dislikes. Sounds like a party! This issue is dedicated to the annual 100 Worst People Places and Things feature in the defunct Spy magazine, which brought us so much joy in the past and was the inspiration for this week’s issue.

Enjoy,
-KJ

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COMMENTS, PRAISES AND DEATH THREATS:

Following in the spirit of the list of 100 cd's to throw away [5: "Check Your Head" – 7/22/02] -and 100 must haves - here are my Top Ten (unfortunately, it changes from time to time):

The Clash - London Calling
Jeff Buckley - Grace
Chris Cornell - Euphoria Morning
Ac/Dc - Back In Black
Weezer - Pinkerton
Fabulosos Cadillacs - Fabulosos Calavera
The Beatles - Revolver
Pink FLoyd - The Final Cut
Ozzy Osbourne - Speak of The Devil
Metallica - Ride The Lightning
Slayer - Reign in Blood

OK, 11... there's more.... but what the hell. I would have to include:

Juan Luis Guerra - Areito
Silvio Rodriguez - Al Final De Este Viaje
U2 - All That You Can't Leave Behind
Weezer self-titled [Which one? –KJ]

Top Five Movies:

The Godfather
The Godfather 2

3 more .... hmmm, I have enough with those two.

Well, I like a lot of movies ... one of these days I’ll send you a list so we can fight over it.
Ha Ha!!

LEO SUSANA Santo Domingo, Dom. Rep.

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WHAT WE’RE LISTENING TO:

CAPTAIN BEFFHEART Trout Mask Replica (Warner Bros)
THE BREEDERS Pod (Elektra/4 A.D.)
CIRCO No Todo Lo Que Es Pop Es Bueno (Head)
NOVA -advance release-

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WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO ?

CARLOS GARDEL Best Of (Hemisphere)
AUGUSTUS PABLO Original Rockers (Greensleves)
BOLA SETE At the Monterey Jazz Festival (Verve)
ANTONIO CARLOS JOBIM Wave (A&M)

ROBERT JULIAN New York, NY


SOZIEDAD ALKOHOLIKA - Directo (Mil a Gritos)
SOZIEDAD ALKOHOLIKA - Polvo en Mis Ojos (Mil A Gritos)
SLIPKNOT - Iowa (Roadrunner)
GLUECIFER - Basement Apes (SPV)
SOBER - 3 singles: "Diez AƱoz", "Arrepentido" & "Versus"
ANSINTH - Live At 8 Puertas –independent-

LEO SUSANA Santo Domingo, Dom. Rep.

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5 WE LOVE TO HATE (in alphabetical order):

- INTERSCOPE RECORDS

CRIMES: Signed Limp Bizkit; Made Fred Durst a Vice President of A&R, so that he could sign more crappy bands and inflict the likes of Puddle of Mudd upon us, while indulging him in his already ripe pastime of directing horrid video clips; Dropped Aimee Mann from roster, who immediately afterwards –thankfully- went on to bigger and better things; Via Farmclub.com tried to strong arm indie-band The Rosenbergs into an onerous, one-sided agreement in exchange for TV exposure.

MITIGATING FACTOR: Parent company Vivendi Universal is in financial trouble. Yea!


- KID ROCK

CRIMES: Contributed prominently to the return of such hoary hair-farmer cliches as strippers, self-hating groupies and expensive, tacky videos to mainstream music scene; Got his marginally talented DJ, Uncle Kracker, a record deal; Inspired even more unimaginative, white, suburban rappers to pick up the mic; Fan of Lynyrd Skynyrd and Hank Williams Jr.

MITIGATING FACTOR: Someone who can write a line like "Punk Rock: The Clash/Boy bands are trash/I like Johnny Cash and Grand Master Flash" and mean it, can’t be all bad.


- GENE SIMMONS

CRIMES: Greedy, obnoxious asshole of very little discernible musical talent who doesn’t seem to know when to quit, despite the retirement wishes of crony Paul Stanley; At the time, celebrated the death of Kurt Cobain in every publication or show that would have him (ironically, Kurt –like most of the ‘90s alt-rockers that this low life constantly berated- was a Kiss fan. Hey, nobody’s perfect); In order to inflict more of his arrogant, ego-centric ravings and non-existent sense of style and taste on the public, Simmons has recently started a magazine and a clothing line.

MITIGATING FACTOR: Discovered Van Halen. Fuck.


- STEVEN SPIELBERG

CRIMES: Ushered –and is a continuing presence in- an era of big-budget blockbusters at the expense of smaller, more daring films, which has led to a climate of opening weekend box office/bottom line madness, making Spielberg the de-facto godfather of crass commercialism in cinema; A spiritual descendant of the ultra-corny Frank Capra, Spielberg has marred even his best films with unbelievably lame and vastly unnecessary melodrama (see the final scenes of the title characters in both Schindler’s List and Saving Private Ryan), for which he has demonstrated a junkie-like weakness.

MITIGATING FACTOR: Spielberg is a partner in Dreamworks, whose music division is home to Eels, Elliot Smith, Henry Rollins and Blinker The Star.


- HOWARD STERN

CRIMES: Either an elaborate hoax –which would make it a highly crude form of performance art- or a straightforward, rancid spewfest, Stern’s nationally syndicated radio show has provided a home on the airwaves for closet rednecks (and the not so closeted, as well) with its endless parade of racists, porn queens, strippers, misogynists, xenophobes and various other examples of socially and mentally damaged goods; Followers belief that all of this is somehow acceptable behavior is reinforced by Stern’s encouragement.

MITIGATING FACTOR: Makes it easier to spot the prejudiced. After all, how tolerant of others can you really be if you’re a fan of this filth? Think about it.

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DON’T CALL IT A COMEBACK: ‘80s B-movie actress and sometime singer E.G. Daily (Valley Girl, Pee Wee’s Big Adventure), is the voice of one of The Power Puff Girls.

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Comments, Praises And Death Threats: KikoJonesUSA@yahoo.com

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