Written, Directed and Produced by Kiko Jones
A Ballsy Production

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Last week was a lot of fun. Ranting can be quite liberating. Must do it again sometime. Soon.

Remember, feel free to forward "5" or better yet, let us know and we’ll send them an introductory e-mail and put them on the list. It could be your early Christmas or Hannukah gift to them. In which case, they’d hate you for being so cheap. But hey, you thought enough of them to give "5"! And that’s a gift in and of itself. Damn, we laid it thick …

Anyway, we’re back to random topics this week. We held back as much as we could, but in the end we just had to address this recent Michael Jackson fiasco. Besides, you were expecting it.

Hope all is well.


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Hey KJ,
I love rants [5 We Love To Hate - 7/29/02]. You should do them more often. Maybe put up a couple of audio rants on the site. 45 seconds of pure bile.

I agree with you on all almost everything, but I'm a big Kiss fan. I can see where you can get pissed off by comments and actions from someone like Simmons, but that doesn't condition my like or dislike for the music. I just think that Gene Simmons is an expert at getting attention and milking everything for every little ounce of publicity. Come to think of it, he is kind of an asshole. But hey, I don't know him personally. Don't want to.

Fred Durst... my God... poor fellow. He hasn't hurt my family, hasn't don't anything offensive, except practically RUIN 2 Years of POP music WITH his garbage and infect my drummer with Limp Biskit-itis (AAAAGGGGGGGHHHHH). Thank the Lord, WES left... When even a member of a band can't stand what's going on , it kinda shows that detractors aren't that far off. I don't like to judge but I think Limp Biskit SUCKSSSSS! I Like "Nookie", though (can't win 'em all ... I do it all for the Nookie.... yeah right).

You're right about Spielberg. I guess that's why I liked his work when I was really young. Big fan of Raiders and shit like that. Schindler's List and Saving Private Ryan are both beautiful movies; visually stunning but have some sappy moments that really fry my brains...

Coño, KJ.. You’re on it! "5" makes you think! It's good for the soul. It also makes me realize how much time I've invested in pop culture . Gotta start reading more ... Less MTV, more Cortazar!

LEO SUSANA Santo Domingo, Dom. Rep.

Could have been my favorite issue if you would have put 10 to 20 on the crime list.


Howard Stern may be crude to certain people, but to make a blanket statement incriminating anyone who is a fan of Howard is ten times more dangerous and ignorant than all of his shows put together. Does anyone remember laughter? Nuff said.

G.R. JONES Brooklyn, NY

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JERRY CANTRELL Degradation Trip (Roadrunner)
THE KNACK Get The Knack (Capitol)
POKET Mas Aceitosos Que Nunca (La Viuda)
WILCO Yankee Hotel Foxtrot (Nonesuch)

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OASIS Heathen Chemistry
WEEZER Maladroit
ABSINTH Live At Ocho Puertas
SANTUARIO Adicto Al Kaos

I was reading a Dominican magazine the other day and for some reason had a problem with the title "electronica genius". This piece was about Moby … who I think is full of crap.

NELSON GARCIA Santo Domingo, Dom. Rep.

[What magazine was it? -KJ]

THE CRANES Future Songs
JAMES Getting Away With It-Live

G.R. JONES Brooklyn, NY

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It turns out that Slick Rick has been held with out bail sine his June 1st arrest in Miami. The London-born rapper was detained by the INS on the grounds that his 1991 felony conviction is grounds for deportation. Interestingly, the Ruler (as Rick is also known) was released from jail from his conviction on that charge in 1996. He won two cases against the INS, but they succeeded on a 1999 appeal - the outcome of which was allegedly not made known to Rick or his attorneys. He’s currently not being granted bail because he’s a flight risk. Huh?! The INS can send dead hijackers visa renewals but can’t let go of this thing? After all, this guy served his time and has been crime-free (as far as we know) for the 6 years since his release. So what gives? As for the consequences of eventually being deported, Slick Rick is married and has several children, as well as other relatives in the NY area. He claims that although London was his birthplace, he has no family ties there. His label, Def Jam, has an online petition on its site (http://defjam.com) urging the INS to at least grant Rick bail while he resolves his legal problems. Stay tuned.

Instead of accepting the fact that his lackluster albums and the scandal surrounding his alleged child molesting is what has finally brought his once shining star back to earth, it's sad to see Michael Jackson resort to pathetic shenanigans and worse, to have people believe him. Yes, the music biz is corrupt, devious and greedy. But not racist (isn't hip-hop outselling everything else these days?). No record company cares what color you are if you make them enough green. And Jackson doesn't make them enough green anymore. That still doesn’t explain as to why -according to him- they would allegedly sabotage their biggest investment. And as far as the shoddy treatment of black artists (not to mention white and brown) by the industry over the years is concerned, it is without a shadow of a doubt, quite a sad truth. What a horrible legacy of thievery and deceit! But Berry Gordy, P. Diddy, Suge Knight, and many other African-American label heads are part of this shameful legacy as well. It’s not a black thing, it’s a green thing. Michael Jackson’s remarks and accusations make a mockery of the plight of those that have, in fact, been ripped-off by their labels. This latest scandal appears to be his last stand; the final act in what has become a lackluster and quite disappointing tragedy, under the guise of a career.

Now that the inept members of the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America, the major labels’ trade organization) have failed at providing an alternative to the music-sharing sites, and the research and implementation of their copy-free CDs in the marketplace has gone belly up, they want the government to let them hack into music-pirating sites. Yes, hack. Of course, that’s illegal. But cloaked underneath the Peer to Peer Piracy Prevention Act is wording that, if passed, would enable them do just that. Fuck, you all know how much we hate piracy, but this is just some bullshit. Before you know it, these clueless morons will be "accidentally" disabling non-offending sites left and right and wreaking even more havoc. We give up. The artists aren’t doing much to fight the RIAA and alert their respective fanbases as to how piracy affects their livelihood, either. The P2P bill (now, there’s an analogy) will in all likelihood come up for a vote in Congress this fall. The sad thing is that if RIAA’s membership came up with a really solid online subscription service right now, they could rack in BIG bucks. But they’re too busy keeping their collective head up their ass while searching for clues.

Somewhat to our regret, we did not attend this year’s second annual Siren Festival, once again held in Coney Island on this past July 20th. Our ambiguity stems from not really being a fan of any of the acts on the bill, and subsequent reports of oppressive heat and uncontainable crowds, from "5"ers on the scene. We noticed that main sponsor The Village Voice took out an ad recently, where they congratulated everyone involved in this year’s event (which as far as we know, they didn’t do after last year’s maiden voyage) and looked forward to 2003. However, they may have to contend with the Mouse. Reports have been circulating that Disney is seriously interested in taking over Coney Island. And we all know that if this comes to pass, it’s goodbye old-school charm, rickety Cyclone and alt-rock festivals; hello , Times Square on the beach. The new, antiseptic, Giuliani-approved, Branson MO-wanna-be Times Square, that is. Hopefully, Disney will oblige us and take its bullshit elsewhere. Yeah, right.

CQ (2002) Directed by Roman Coppola
The feature film directorial debut by Francis Ford’s eldest son (his first appearance on film was playing Sonny Corleone as a child in The Godfather Part 2) is actually three films in one: Jeremy Davies (Saving Private Ryan) is an American working on a low-budget Barbarella-type film called Dragonfly in 1969 Paris, while filming a black and white documentary on his everyday life. After Dragonfly’s director (Gerard Depardieu) is fired for not providing a satisfactory ending, and his replacement (Jason Schwartzman) is removed from the project, Davies is promoted from editor to director. Now, on top of his struggle to come up with a climactic ending that will conform to both the producer’s (Giancarlo Giannini) tacky concept and his own sense of artistry, he has to contend with his live-in girlfriend’s cries of emotional abandonment; his falling for Dragonfly’s leading lady (Angela Lindvall); and of course, the conclusion to his own little flick. Sound familiar, you artists out there? Director Roman Coppola does a fine job his first time out, although the unavoidable ironic twist is the fact that he couldn’t come up with a satisfying ending for CQ itself. Hmm. A fun, entertaining picture, nonetheless. Look for sister Sofia Coppola’s cameo as Giancarlo Giannini’s mistress.

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BLAST OF SILENCE: This year mark’s the 50th anniversary of avant-garde composer John Cage’s most notorious piece: "4:33", popularly known as "Silence". It requires a pianist to sit at the instrument, in silence, for four minutes and thirty-three seconds before a live audience. The sound of the room (generally, the uncomfortable audience) is the actual rendition of the piece.

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Comments, Praises And Death Threats: KikoJones@yahoo.com